The Basketball Code 10 Commandments

It had been three months since Russell Mosebrook parted the Freeagen Sea and left his former teammate, wingman, and brother – Duranteses — in its wake.

westbrook-moses

While Mosebrook’s loyal followers would walk to the end of the Earth if so instructed by their messiah, they became increasingly anxious to find a permanent home as they slowly wither away in the desert.

Days pass with no oasis in sight. Hope is not lost, it simply no longer exists.

The Bible

As Mosebrook and his thunderous hoard approach a change in topography, the roster takes shelter in the shadows of Mount Inyoureye. For two straight days, Mosebrook’s peoples wait for him as he scales the jagged peak to consult the almighty Silver sky and climb down to relay correspondence. On the third day, the Silver sky instructs Mosebrook to stay for 40 days and 40 nights to learn the ways of ‘The Code’.

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Mosebrook transcribes the word of the Silver sky onto several stone tablets, and after 40 days and 40 nights – he returns to the people who have entrusted him with saving their lives.

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Mosebrook has news for his constituents – salvation awaits. However, if any of the people wish to leave the perilous desert, they must pledge themselves to a code for as long as their heart beats – a code of 10 commandments representing honor, respect, dedication, and brotherhood.

It is at this moment that the most sacred basketball fraternity was established.


Commandment #1: Do not worship any other player.

starks

The first law of ‘the code’ is simple: anyone who wears the same jersey as you is your brother. You will stand and fight for them the same way you would protect your family in a dark alley way against an armed burglar hiding behind a dumpster – there are no exceptions.

Likewise, anyone wearing the opposing team’s jersey – doesn’t matter if they are a sibling, spouse, or best friend – they are the enemy. This is battle. You do nothing to help them while there is still time remaining on the game clock, and you go out of your way to make sure even non-code abiding teammates comply.


Commandment #2: Thou shall get thy buckets and talk thy shit

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Nothing matters but buckets. Get buckets first, answer questions later. You have no responsibility to anyone else other than the almighty W. Buckets are all that are holy, and supersede every other aspect of life. If you obtain thy buckets, you enforce the word of the code on the non-practitioner whether it is just or not. Put that ball through the net at all costs, it is your duty.


Commandment #3: Remember the Sabbath oath, respect the Basketball Gods

 jr-smith-celebration

Once a player is initiated into the brotherhood, they are bound to its ideals for eternity. If anyone breaks their solemn vow, they are to be exiled and punished in this life and the next. Thou shall embrace a bucket-getting celebration move and unleash it at their convenience. Use this demonstration to praise the basketball gods who have blessed you with such talent to be the representative of something so sacred. It is an honor and a privilege to be a walking, breathing standard bearer of the code – live your life as such.


Commandment #4: Thou shall pay reparations for those who sacrifice

jvg 

At times, the code may require you to partake in activities that non-practitioners may deem as inappropriate — inappropriate to the point that you may be punished financially, via suspension, or even face possible expulsion from the association. In the event that the most drastic scenario occurs, take for example:

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…an instance when one sacrifices their body, career, and reputation to defend the honor of the code – you pay them back three times over. If a sacrifice is made in your defense costing a brother $100,000, you return them $300,000. If they take the fall for you and go to jail for a year, you give them the best three years of their lives when they get out. If they get suspended and you don’t, you defer all bucket-getting to the sacrificial party for a number of games three times the length of said suspension.

Love the code more than thee loves thyself.

 


 

Commandment #5: Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor

dangelo-snitch 

NO SNITCHING.

If the media asks about a controversial altercation on or off-the-court, you say nothing. If an opponent has the audacity to so much inquire about something pertaining to you, one of your teammates, or of the coaching staff – you say nothing. If anyone ever asks about anything that is said in private, the confidence, in a hotel room, inside the locker room, YOU SAY NOTHING.

The language of the code is silence.


Commandment #6: Thou shall covet thy ball

 bev

Defend yourself at all times. The Ball is life – both literally and figuratively, it not only represents the tool which permits you to perform the duties of your craft, pay the bills, and provide for your family … but is an exemplification of your purpose on this planet. You do not exist without the ball. This is the code’s holy grail and you will treat it as such.

Furthermore: There are no rules when attempting to gain possession of the ball. It is yours, do whatever you must to obtain it. ‘Dirty play’ does not exist, only weak-mindedness abiding by the rules of a PC basketball culture preaching mainstreamability. They want you to dap up your opponents before tip off, they want you to hug member of the other team after the final buzzer, they want any resemblance of the 1980’s and 1990’s style of play eradicated from the Earth. You are the keepers of what makes basketball great, you are the Balluminati.


Commandment #7: Thou shall not commit adultery

 barnes

Never, under ANY circumstances, mess with another player’s woman. Past, current, or future. Completely off-limits. When you are a professional basketball player, there are more WAGs than fish in the sea. Find one without a mate, as infraction of this commandment can lead a victim to code-breaking madness.

 


 

Commandment #8: Honour thy veterans as thy would honour thyself

NBA: Finals-Cleveland Cavaliers at Golden State Warriors 

The code-bearers of times past will never be forgotten. Once the code, always the code.


Commandment #9: Thou shall enforce the word of the code to non-practitioners

While the code is selective in its process of initiating brothers, its teachings are spread far and wide across the globe. It is your duty, until your last breath, to spread these commandments to every soul you encounter until every breathing creature on this planet lives by its ways.

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Commandment #10: Thy ball shall never lie

 The code does not choose to live by the ball, the ball dictates the code. Whatever action the ball takes is for a purpose. It may single-handedly tarnish one’s talent set if it so decides, it may drive thee mad … it may benefit the ball-bearer, it may enable unlimited power. Accept the ball’s judgment as one would accept the principles of their religion. Do not question the almighty power, as it it always watching, always listening, and always observing whoever is in possession of thee. The ball is the law of the land, it hath never lied nor will it ever. Respect this oracle’s abilities, and thou shall achieve everlasting glory.


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May the peace of the code be with you always.

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